UNPOSED Episode 02

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Confidence After the Body You Knew with Moss Arati

(transcriptions are automatic and may contain inaccuracies)

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Speaker 1
(0:16) Welcome to Unposed. (0:18) This show is made possible by the generosity of Mrs. Kristen Cawyer, her belief in this project, and her faith in the message behind it. (0:25) Your support helped bring Unposed into the world and it does not go unnoticed.
(0:29) I'm Amber Lane, an award-winning boudoir photographer, unofficial confidence coach, and creator of a supportive online women's community that's been thriving since 2017. (0:40) I'm also a woman who has spent the last 15 years witnessing what happens when women stop performing for approval and start showing up for themselves. (0:48) Today I'm joined by Moss Arati.
(0:50) She's a burlesque performer and pole and aerial artist whose work blends power, comedy, and grace in a way that feels both magnetic and deeply human. (1:00) Since she began performing in 2022, Mas has already made a name for herself through numbers that range from sensual and commanding to playful and unexpected. (1:09) What draws people to her work is how fully she inhabits the stage, whether she's making you laugh, holding tension, or completely owning her presence.
(1:17) I'm really excited to share with you how she found her way into performance and what that journey has looked like. (1:22) Welcome to the show, Mas!
Speaker 2
(1:25) Hi! (1:27) I'm like over here crying! (1:28) Listen to this, I'm like, this is what my friends think about me?
(1:32) What? (1:32) Oh my god.
Speaker 1
(1:34) This is what a lot of people think about you, for sure. (1:37) I mean, you've already done so much in just a little amount of time, but when we first met, it was 2019. (1:45) You came in to do a photo session with me.
(1:47) You are not a performer yet, but it was a really pivotal photo session with some really meaningful images.
Speaker 2
(1:54) That was like right after the accident, which is crazy to think about, and just in general, that whole entire year. (2:04) Because we got into the accident, I broke my back, they didn't think that we were gonna make it, and then like then they were like, you're gonna have a full life, but you're gonna have to like work. (2:18) Like learning how to walk again, learning how to like sit, learning to sit in the chair is the fucking worst.
(2:26) Like as an adult. (2:27) As an adult, bro, like you're 23 years old, you just broke your back, you spent your birthday in the hospital, and you're like turning up with apple juice, as my mom told me.
Speaker 1
(2:38) Well, let's go back. (2:39) So the accident was August of 2018, is that right? (2:44) August 2nd, 2018.
Speaker 2
(2:47) And so me and my friend, we were coming back from a concert, and we didn't make it home. (2:55) Like we don't know what happened exactly, but I woke up in the middle of the accident, and like we hit the guardrail, and then like we hit the median, and then we like hit the other side of the highway, straddled the bridge, like hit the retaining wall, a foot backwards into like a creek. (3:20) And I was the one who called 911.
(3:23) They're like, what's your emergency? (3:24) Bro, I don't know. (3:25) I just woke up.
(3:27) I was asleep. (3:28) Like no matter what, I was asleep. (3:29) I woke up in the middle of all that shit.
(3:31) And scariest day of my life. (3:35) Nothing could ever compare to that kind of pain, and then also seeing like your friend in pain, and being like completely helpless. (3:44) Completely, because you don't know what's happening.
(3:47) You don't know what's going on. (3:49) Like you just know that like something's not sitting right. (3:51) We gotta get the fuck out of here right now.
(3:53) And you, we see lights as the police had found us, and the flashlights start going off, and we just start screaming for help. (4:02) And they look at me like, we need to stop moving, like, because we didn't, we don't know what's going on. (4:08) We don't know the damages to our body.
(4:10) He had a broken arm. (4:12) The steering wheel pushed into his stomach, and like killed like half his colon. (4:19) And like he's had a colonoscopy bag for years, up until like about two years ago, where he finally got to have surgery.
(4:26) So now he can poop. (4:27) Yay. (4:28) I love, look, yeah.
(4:29) Learned to poop.
Speaker 1
(4:30) Yeah.
Speaker 2
(4:30) Period.
Speaker 1
(4:32) So you wouldn't have realized right away that something had happened to you. (4:35) It was just like the shock of the accident.
Speaker 2
(4:37) Like literally, I just was like, we need to get the fuck out of here. (4:40) Like, no matter what, like, I'm gonna be here with you every step of the way. (4:43) Like, I'm not going anywhere until like they cut me out.
(4:46) And when they cut me out, they put me on a gurney, and they're like, go, go get her out of here. (4:52) Now. (4:52) Now.
(4:52) Like, she's gotta go. (4:56) And they take me, and they put me on the gurney. (4:58) Mind you, I didn't get to see Logan for weeks.
(5:03) At all. (5:04) At all.
Speaker 1
(5:04) Oh my god.
Speaker 2
(5:05) Like, and I'm calling my like friends, asking around about him and whatnot. (5:08) But like, when they put me in the gurney, they, um, they're like, hey, this is about to really suck for her. (5:16) And I'm like, what the fuck is going on?
(5:17) Like, and I just woke up. (5:20) Yeah. (5:21) Y'all, I just woke up.
Speaker 1
(5:25) Yeah. (5:25) Like.
Speaker 2
(5:26) As disorienting as that is in just like your bed, imagine like, you gotta be quick on your feet, like right now.
Speaker 1
(5:34) Yeah.
Speaker 2
(5:35) So I remember hitting this like bump or whatever. (5:41) Probably had to, because we're down underneath the bridge like 20 feet. (5:46) Yeah.
(5:47) You gotta get her up. (5:48) There's gonna be bumps and shit. (5:51) That was the worst pain of my entire life.
(5:57) And I hear, go, go, go, go, go. (5:59) Like, get her in the, get, rush me off to Fort Smith Hospital. (6:03) And I'm sitting there like, what the fuck is happening?
(6:07) They're cutting off my, I'm arguing with them. (6:09) You can't cut off my clothes. (6:10) Yeah, man, we have to.
(6:12) No, I am not compliant. (6:15) You love those clothes. (6:16) I just bought them.
(6:18) We were at a concert. (6:19) This is a brand new t-shirt. (6:21) No, you're not cutting off my fucking clothes.
Speaker 1
(6:24) Which we did a photo shoot with. (6:26) Yeah. (6:27) No, I remember that.
(6:28) I remember some of those pictures. (6:31) I came across some whenever I was getting your bio together. (6:34) And it was like the skirt was like the galaxy skirt.
(6:38) And then what was it? (6:39) Was it a future show? (6:41) Logic.
(6:41) Logic show that you were at. (6:43) And so was it like a concert shirt or something?
Speaker 2
(6:46) And I like, there's blood on it still. (6:50) There's like the safety pins just to like, keep it together, but it's still the same as it was.
Speaker 1
(6:55) That's so crazy.
Speaker 2
(6:57) I refused. (6:57) Yeah, that's a piece of history.
Speaker 1
(6:59) See, when I had when I broke my ankle, my shoe was in the backseat of my car like they might like and neither of us could touch it for like, it might still be back there. (7:09) And it's been like four years. (7:10) Hey, I'm not gonna I just I don't want it.
(7:12) I don't want to look at it. (7:13) I don't want to look at my foot in it anymore.
Speaker 2
(7:15) They stole my shoes. (7:17) So I didn't get my back.
Speaker 1
(7:18) Yeah. (7:19) Oh my gosh, that's so crazy. (7:22) Yeah, mine was definitely not mine wasn't in a car.
(7:25) My accident was but it was definitely a bit different than that a bit more calm and I was conscious and everything but I knew something was wrong immediately. (7:33) Mine was not like Yeah, why? (7:36) Well, my foot looked like my it was my right foot and it looked like I had two left feet because of the breakage.
(7:42) Yeah, it was pretty, pretty gnarly. (7:46) Mine was to I was just getting out of my car. (7:49) I just got my foot caught on my purse strap and I was just getting out too quick and I like slipped and fell and it turned out I broke both ankle bones and the bone that connects it to my leg and my tore my Achilles tendon so I had to like learn to walk again and all that but it was like immediate that I knew that that had happened.
(8:08) And with yours it's like there was so much extraneous trauma going on. (8:15) That's not Did you know when you what all happened? (8:18) What exactly happened?
(8:19) Like what all happened to your body?
Speaker 2
(8:20) What happened to my body? (8:22) Um, so I had a burst fracture on my t 12 in my spine. (8:35) And they said that one of the bone fragments was literally less than like a millimeter away from touching my spinal cord.
(8:44) And I was really lucky. (8:48) That shit's crazy. (8:49) Yeah.
(8:50) Yeah, I could have paralyzed myself for real. (8:53) Like it's a it's something kind scary to think about. (8:57) Like, I could have never walked again.
Speaker 1
(9:00) But and now look at you. (9:03) Now we fight and now look at you. (9:06) Which brings us to what you do now, which is crazy for anyone who only knows you as a performer to think that you could have gone through any of that and then be doing what you're doing now.
(9:17) So you do burlesque you do pole and I've seen you do some like aerial art as well. (9:25) So what what all what got you into performing?
Speaker 2
(9:28) Um, so we at the school I used to go to they did like student showcases. (9:41) And it was me, Jessica and Laura, we did like a trio song to slow motion. (9:56) I am you could tell how nervous we were in like the first ever performance.
(10:05) And they were like, you need to come do burlesque. (10:08) But we went to like one of their burlesque shows. (10:12) A couple weeks prior to them like hosting our show.
(10:19) Like, it was really cool. (10:22) And I was like, baby baby like I started pole dancing back or I originally started in 2018. (10:32) But the car accident happened.
(10:34) Take a break, take a break. (10:43) And 2021 because I was still wearing my my face mask. (10:46) I went back to I just miss it so much.
(10:49) And shout out to this terrible nurse. (10:54) But she was like, wow, looks like you're not going to wear bikini anymore. (10:58) No more bikinis for you.
(11:00) Watch me now, bitch. (11:02) Watch me now.
Speaker 1
(11:04) Watch me now, bitch. (11:05) So crazy because of like the scarring from the accident.
Speaker 2
(11:09) Oh, yeah, this is like, flat out right after like the when the staples are still on.
Speaker 1
(11:14) Oh my god.
Speaker 2
(11:15) What a bitch.
Speaker 1
(11:16) What a mean thing to say. (11:17) What a bitch. (11:19) That hurts my heart.
Speaker 2
(11:21) I think about it all the time. (11:22) It hurts my feeling so bad because I was like, what if I never get to wear a bikini?
Speaker 1
(11:28) Yeah, man, fuck that shit. (11:31) Put that shit on. (11:32) And that's just a great because it's not like you have a scar.
(11:35) So now you can't anymore. (11:37) So okay, so I can't run anymore. (11:40) That's a past part of my injury.
(11:42) And a few years before I had my ankle broken, my mom broke her ankle because we do everything the same. (11:47) Yeah, because I want to be just like her. (11:50) So when she she used to run marathons, I'm not a marathon runner.
(11:54) She was like a marathon person. (11:56) And when she broke her, she was asking her doctor about it one day. (11:59) And he was just like, just laughed at her and was like, Oh, you're never gonna do that again.
(12:04) Oh, and it's like, what? (12:05) Like, as a medical professional, like what a way to treat somebody who's like learning information about a change of course in their life and like, how their body works, how their body looks and you want to go and just laugh and be like, Oh, that's funny that you think you can continue to do this thing that brings you joy.
Speaker 2
(12:26) That's so shitty. (12:28) Like, what's the point? (12:30) And I had, like when during my accident, I had a girl who like inspired me because she broke both of her legs and her back.
(12:42) And she was like, full body like cast, fucked up. (12:48) And she inspired me so much because after accident, she went back to zip lining. (12:55) And she had a baby.
(12:56) She has a beautiful family now. (12:58) And every day like I look at her, I'm like, you are my inspiration. (13:02) Like, I wouldn't have she came to Oh, I think I cry about it all the time.
(13:07) But she came to me on my birthday because I was like, I couldn't go anywhere. (13:11) I was confined to a hospital bed. (13:13) I couldn't do anything.
(13:14) I was so sad. (13:15) And I think we're seeing a little mermaid. (13:23) I was like, I want to be where the people are.
Speaker 1
(13:27) It's so sad. (13:28) But at the same time, I'm like crying. (13:30) And you're in pain and on medication.
(13:32) And it's like really hitting you hard.
Speaker 2
(13:35) Yeah, yank the drugs for me too. (13:37) So I was going through withdrawals. (13:39) It was horrible.
(13:43) And I saw him taking a poo. (13:46) It had been like, damn near two weeks. (13:48) They don't let you leave until you take a shit.
(13:54) They don't let you leave. (13:55) No. (13:58) You're gonna have to do something.
(13:59) I'm like, I'm best birthday gift ever.
Speaker 1
(14:04) That's so funny. (14:05) Do you think there was like a point that you like, was there like a pivotal point where you were like, Okay, I am going to be able to have this full range of motion, and I'm gonna learn to do all this stuff again? (14:15) Or was it like, you just kind of always knew, like, this is not going to stop me.
(14:19) This is not something that's gonna get in the way.
Speaker 2
(14:23) I, the main thing is listening to your body. (14:27) It will tell you when you had enough. (14:30) But you can still push.
Speaker 1
(14:32) Yeah.
Speaker 2
(14:32) No matter what, like, just don't. (14:35) If it's too much, it's too much. (14:37) Sit your ass down.
(14:38) Calm down. (14:39) Totally. (14:40) Come back later.
(14:41) Yeah, it's not it's a it's a work in progress. (14:45) It's not gonna look great all the time.
Speaker 1
(14:47) Yeah. (14:48) But you can still do it. (14:50) It's crazy how like having an injury like that, that like forces you to step back and like pay attention to the way at least a specific part of your body works.
(14:59) It's like you really do start listening to your body in a way that you're like, was I just not before? (15:04) Was I just not like, was I just telling it? (15:06) This is what we're gonna do.
(15:07) And it was like, No, thank you. (15:08) And I was like, you're gonna do it. (15:09) Like, Oh, you thought?
(15:13) Yeah. (15:13) We were talking about how because mine is a foot injury, an ankle injury. (15:18) I look down when I walk a lot more now than I used to like just to make sure I'm not gonna like step on something and like lose my balance or like, you know, run into something or slip.
(15:27) And it's like, that's just a conscious thing that I do because my body made me slow down and start doing that. (15:34) You know, it's crazy how like when you have an injury like that, it's like you are forced to listen to your body and then you start listening to your body and you start learning all kinds of things about it that you did not know before. (15:45) And it's so nice.
Speaker 2
(15:46) I've learned the hard way, even like as a performer now where I push myself a little bit too much. (15:55) Or I'm like, you got to make it happen. (15:58) This is that.
(16:00) And my body will be like, No, you're not. (16:02) You got anxiety right now.
Speaker 1
(16:04) You're not today.
Speaker 2
(16:05) Yeah. (16:06) So there'll be times on stage where you'll like see me like holding on for dear life, because my, my leg just gave out. (16:14) I still have problems with walking no matter what people think like, shit happens on stage, you got to play it off.
(16:20) So you hold a pose longer and see if you can get out of it or whatever or get down. (16:28) I love getting down. (16:30) You do love getting down.
(16:31) I love sit down if I need to. (16:34) I will take a break no matter what.
Speaker 1
(16:35) Some of your work though is like it is so physically intense, like especially when you do like your pole work. (16:43) I've like you do these moves and you like move your body in this way that you like have to have so much confidence that it's going to land where you want it to land and the way you want to land it. (16:51) Like there are times when I'm watching you and I'm like, and then like you make it and it's okay.
(16:56) But it's crazy. (16:58) It really you are. (17:00) It's just so like, it's so like physically involved.
(17:04) Like, you know, a lot of burlesque it, of course it is, you know, I did ballet for like years and I know things that look effortless are not always effortless. (17:11) It takes a lot of effort to make it look that way. (17:13) But like with pole and with your aerial stuff, there's just so much like strength and flipping and body holding that is like, it's crazy to think that you were ever in a situation where you are not like sure if you were going to walk again.
Speaker 2
(17:28) That's crazy. (17:28) 100% and like I wanted it so bad because I started pole dancing literally three weeks before the accident. (17:43) I drove to Memphis like a crazy bitch that I am.
(17:46) I messaged my friend and I said, hey, what are you doing right now? (17:53) And she said, waiting for my friend to come over. (17:56) I said, bitch, you already knew it.
(17:59) On my way, drove to Memphis and spent 4th of July together. (18:05) It was so much fun. (18:09) And then like, we became really good friends.
(18:12) And when the accident happened, I was like, hey, I'm very nonchalant about how I deliver news. (18:17) I'm trying to work on that. (18:19) And I was like, hey, I'm so sorry, but like, I can't make it to the concert anymore.
(18:23) And she was like, oh no, why? (18:25) I was like, I just fell off a bridge. (18:28) And she said, what?
(18:31) Where are you at? (18:31) And I said, I'm at the hospital. (18:36) She drove.
(18:38) I remind you, I'm like, I'm in and out of consciousness. (18:41) I'm asleep and she shows up. (18:44) And my dad wakes me up and I'm like, you came.
(18:49) Like just the most drugged up smile ever. (18:54) She's like, honey, what the fuck? (18:58) And I was like, you're so beautiful.
(19:01) And I like grabbed her hand and I fell asleep completely. (19:05) And then my dad was like, I can wake her back up. (19:07) And she goes, if she wants to sleep and hold my hand, she can have it.
Speaker 1
(19:18) It's crazy like what your brain does when you are like in it, something like that, like have like a traumatic thing. (19:25) So like I didn't cry for like 20 minutes, right? (19:27) Like when I broke my ankle, I fell out of the car.
(19:30) Justin goes, did you just? (19:32) And I said, yep, let's go. (19:34) And I like, had him help me back up.
(19:37) Cause suddenly I can't, you know, put any weight on my right foot. (19:41) So I was like, get back up in the car. (19:43) And he's very squeamish.
(19:45) And so I was like, okay, one of us has to be the calm one here. (19:49) It, you know, what is freaking out going to help? (19:51) And it's like, I've got this huge, crazy traumatic injury and I'm like, okay, so we're going to go to the emergency room and we're just going to drive down here.
(19:57) And you're going to make this turn. (19:58) You're going to pull in here. (19:59) It was like drinking water, like calmly.
(20:02) And I get in there and they're like, uh, you know, Hey, how can I help you? (20:05) And I'm like, Oh, broken my ankle. (20:07) And he's like, it's way worse than she's making it seem.
(20:09) And I'm like, filling out my paperwork, you know, and we get back there and it takes a minute. (20:14) And finally somebody comes up to me and they go, honey, has anyone given you anything yet? (20:18) And I just lose it.
(20:19) And I'm like, no. (20:20) And I'm like crying. (20:22) And then my mom comes cause my husband has called my mom and she was here in town.
(20:26) Um, I don't know. (20:27) I'm nearly 40, but I just need my mom, um, to come. (20:30) Yeah.
(20:31) I need my mom to come. (20:32) Yeah. (20:34) Please come here.
(20:35) But they asked me, they were like, you have, you know, Justin was like, you have appointments this week. (20:38) And I was like, I've already texted them to reschedule. (20:41) Like in the midst of all of that, my brain still was like, Oh, you make sure these people know what the earliest convenience that, and I didn't know how bad it was.
(20:50) I knew it was bad, but I thought like, um, you know, maybe a couple of weeks kind of thing. (20:54) I didn't know. (20:55) Like, yeah, I was like, we'll have to push it out a week or so.
(21:00) And that was not the case. (21:02) Yeah. (21:02) It's like, you can't, but you also like, you can't process that.
(21:05) Like everything's going to change. (21:07) You're just like right here in this moment. (21:08) Like you have, and then you don't even know what all's going to change.
(21:11) Like one of the big things for me is like the way that when your body changes like that, sensuality can feel like really complicated. (21:21) Like I had to learn to walk again. (21:23) I've always really liked my walk.
(21:25) I was a dancer when I was younger, you know, and I loved how I walked. (21:30) And I thought it was like cute and feminine. (21:31) And now sometimes I hobble a little bit and it's like not the same feminine sort of like walk that I used to have.
(21:39) And so trying to like reconnect with that, I feel like it's something a lot of women who go through injuries like that probably struggle with. (21:46) It's like feeling like sexy and sensual again. (21:49) I think that's one of the things that really draws me to the work that you do.
(21:53) I'm not saying it's all sexually and sensual. (21:56) Well, sometimes it is like, I want to confuse you. (21:58) Steve Harvey is a confusing number for me.
(22:01) I do. (22:01) Sometimes I'm like, is this hot? (22:03) Is it funny?
(22:04) Is it sexy? (22:05) But then, but it is like the fact that you do reconnect with it on that level after going through that is really inspiring for me. (22:12) How do you feel like you, do you feel like that ever affected you at all?
(22:15) Like just the way you felt about your body in like a sensual way?
Speaker 2
(22:18) When I like first started, so like, especially when you first met me, I am an anxious person completely. (22:28) Um, and so going out of my comfort zone, like just oof. (22:34) And I just wanted to try it.
(22:36) Like it just, it seemed fun. (22:38) Like I just love my community.
Speaker 1
(22:41) Yeah.
Speaker 2
(22:42) But like when I first started, like I wore like my natural hair. (22:50) I was scared to look at the audience. (22:53) I'd take off my glasses so I couldn't look at you.
(22:56) Like I was like, just trying to distract myself from like what I was doing. (23:01) I'm like, I'm taking off my clothes. (23:03) In front of all these people.
(23:05) But I'll have to show you the video later. (23:07) But my inspiration for like my first burlesque act was, um, there was a stripper eating a slice of pizza, just sitting, eating pizza. (23:18) And they were just throwing money at her.
(23:20) I was like, that's what I want. (23:21) So here comes the burger act. (23:26) I was like, I want to eat a cheeseburger and be a cheeseburger.
Speaker 1
(23:30) So many people still years later when people are in here doing hair and makeup, you know, I see private clients all the time. (23:36) Like I do photos that people never see because it's just for them or like their partner or whoever. (23:41) And I see people all the time who will come in and talk about like these like specific kind of iconic sessions.
(23:47) And your burger one comes up all the time as being like, Oh my gosh. (23:52) And she had the burger. (23:53) I talk about the pickle pasties.
(23:54) We didn't even use them. (23:55) I talk about them all the time. (23:56) I'm like, it had pickle pasties.
Speaker 2
(23:59) What?
Speaker 1
(24:00) Because there's pickles on a good burger.
Speaker 2
(24:03) And the burgers that we have are so good.
Speaker 1
(24:06) Shout Oh, I forgot because I was vegan. (24:09) So I didn't get to eat any of it at that time. (24:11) Oh, I would have tore up now that I'm not vegan would have tore up a CJ's burger.
(24:15) I forgot we got like the good juicy like drippy burgers.
Speaker 2
(24:20) And that's the ones I try to find like my best bang for my buck burger for when I do do the burger act. (24:26) And I've learned what burgers I can and cannot buy, which is very fucking sad.
Speaker 1
(24:33) No, I love it. (24:34) You know, specifically what kind of burger you need. (24:37) And there is no substitute.
(24:39) You know what you need. (24:41) I tried a Sonic burger one time.
Speaker 2
(24:42) That was the nastiest thing I've ever done in my life. (24:45) So much mayonnaise. (24:46) It's sunk so bad, right?
(24:49) And Wendy's has never done me wrong.
Speaker 1
(24:53) Wendy's is ultimate fast food choice. (24:55) Like quick burger for like for the burger stripper act.
Speaker 2
(24:59) Just about a messy kind of juicy still. (25:02) I love it. (25:03) I love it.
(25:04) Pickle sliding down your thigh.
Speaker 1
(25:07) But there is so much value into being like, I think that's so sexy. (25:11) And I'm gonna take that and I'm gonna like make that my own because people do find it really hot.
Speaker 2
(25:16) Like you know that I don't have to tell you that when I was like, I want a McDonald's bag.
Speaker 1
(25:21) So I'm like, go get a McDonald's burger. (25:23) That's good. (25:25) You need like a coupon code for some local burger place for like when you're done.
(25:29) You're like, go here and get a burger from they're gonna be like, what the fuck? (25:33) Like perverts. (25:35) But like hungry perverts.
(25:37) So it's okay. (25:38) Yeah. (25:38) Because you're like, you know what?
(25:39) You're supporting small. (25:40) In this economy, we're turning down perverts. (25:43) I don't think so.
(25:43) Hello. (25:47) Oh, I love that. (25:48) That's so funny.
(25:49) So what this year is going to be your accident was in 2018. (25:52) So eight years this year. (25:55) That's crazy.
(25:56) What does being at home and your body mean to you these days? (26:01) Being at home.
Speaker 2
(26:01) So I had that kind of day today. (26:05) We are learning to take care of ourselves. (26:09) And because when you're like on the go, no sleep, not the club, not the club, you have to take care of your person.
(26:19) Like Maserati and Corinne are two different people completely. (26:26) And I have had to register. (26:29) Think about that.
(26:30) Like, yeah, I can be I'm super high energy still. (26:33) But like, I do not fuck with people. (26:35) Leave me alone.
(26:36) I want to go home. (26:37) I'm going to bed. (26:38) Fuck all y'all.
(26:43) So my house was in shambles. (26:46) I needed to like do laundry and just slow down. (26:50) What if I wanted to just go sit and play Animal Crossing?
(26:53) Yeah, that's exactly what I did yesterday as I did my laundry.
Speaker 1
(27:01) It's such a good self care game, though, just to like, give yourself a chance to slow down. (27:05) And like, I get that like wanting to, if you're going to do something like that, it's like nice to be in an environment where that feels like calm and kind of organized. (27:13) And it's like when you are just going and going and going and you're not taking care of you, you're making sure everyone else is taken care of.
(27:20) It's like that stuff. (27:21) It's so easy for it to slip. (27:22) It's like one day, it's like a cup you leave out.
(27:24) And then it's like in two days, you're like, Oh, my God, like, why is this over here?
Speaker 2
(27:28) Like, you really live like this? (27:30) Girl, are you okay? (27:31) Do you need a friend?
(27:33) Yeah. (27:34) You know what, if I the other day, I had I had to ask for help. (27:41) I was like, I'm going through it.
(27:43) I'm having a bad day. (27:44) And I never go to the internet. (27:48) Ever.
(27:49) I had like 20 people mess me, babe. (27:52) Oh, you guys believe in me? (27:56) I was like, I'm in a bad day.
(27:59) Help. (28:00) Get eat sushi. (28:01) Come with me.
(28:02) Just sit with me.
Speaker 1
(28:04) I mean, I think it's like, it's so human to need that like connection and reassurance, though. (28:09) Like, it's so easy to get in our heads and to be like, very individualistic. (28:12) Yeah.
(28:13) Or like, I don't deserve to take this time to do this thing. (28:16) Or like, I don't deserve to do this nice thing for myself, because it's selfish, but it's not, you know, you it's it's human nature to want to, like, take a breather or connect with another person or just like, spend some time with somebody that you care about. (28:29) Like 100% you know, and it's like, we really like beat ourselves up about stuff like that.
(28:35) Or just like, no, I have to push myself to do this first. (28:38) Or like, that's really selfish, or I'm going to come across as needy. (28:41) And it's like, well, yeah, but if that were my friend, and they wrote that I would want to be there, I'd want to like help.
(28:48) So what's to say that those same people don't want to help me, you know, 100% and you know what's follow that pride.
Speaker 2
(28:56) Yeah. (28:57) People want to fucking help. (28:59) Yes.
(29:00) No, like, whether you think it or not, people who fuck with you will be there for you no matter what shout out to gauge and stormy. (29:07) Yes, they'd be holding me down.
Speaker 1
(29:10) A bad bitch be down. (29:13) I haven't met gauge but I've met stormy several times. (29:16) I just I love her so much.
(29:17) She's so nice. (29:19) She's my beautiful year of corn. (29:23) My beautiful buttery corn.
Speaker 2
(29:26) She's the reason why Steve Harvey was born.
Speaker 1
(29:29) Steve Harvey in the corn.
Speaker 2
(29:39) Yes, I need to do a sexy shoot of just Steve Harvey.
Speaker 1
(29:42) Oh my gosh. (29:43) Yeah, anytime. (29:44) I would be very down.
(29:45) I would I would love to do that. (29:49) I think it's like one of the funniest things but I mean like besides the fact that it is funny, like you're also very graceful and you're also very sexy. (29:57) And like you're out there doing this hilarious funny thing but like you are a beautiful person and the way that you carry yourself is so beautiful that you're just like okay do I like have a thing for Steve Harvey now or what's so funny is that like even like as it sits right now like you beat yourself up about like little things that you do.
Speaker 2
(30:19) Like we did a recent show on the second of January. (30:25) I'm going to assume it's called sapphic centers. (30:28) And I tripped.
(30:30) I don't know how many times in that fucking place. (30:32) She like I skirt caught my thing and I just you see me take a tumble and I'll be like, what? (30:37) Wow.
(30:38) Hi, woman. (30:39) I don't know me sit on your lap real quick. (30:42) Yeah, see like the tassels.
(30:44) Me too. (30:47) Play it off.
Speaker 1
(30:48) Fuck it up. (30:49) Like, they don't know you fell. (30:50) I did.
(30:51) It's a metaphor for life. (30:53) If you fall just sit in a beautiful woman's lap and everything will be okay. (30:58) Everything.
(30:58) I love women. (31:00) Women. (31:02) Yes, if you fall, that's that's the route to take and you'll just roll with it.
(31:07) And you'll end up in a pretty woman's lap. (31:09) Yeah.
Speaker 2
(31:10) Everyone loves a pretty one.
Speaker 1
(31:11) Everyone's dream. (31:12) Period. (31:13) I agree.
(31:14) Yeah. (31:14) I love it. (31:18) So it was I think September 2019 when we had our first photo session.
(31:23) Yes. (31:23) So closer to your accident than when you started performing almost or maybe like right in between it was so the first session was 2019.
Speaker 2
(31:35) And then we did a second session in 2021. (31:38) And I became Maserati in May the fourth 2022. (31:48) Yeah.
(31:48) Which is crazy to say that. (31:50) Yeah. (31:51) Officially it was Maserati May 4.
(31:53) Because I still was learning how I was in my body. (31:59) Yeah. (32:01) I didn't get to like I still don't like to look at those clothes.
(32:07) But it's a piece of me that's never gonna go away. (32:11) And those photos, I have them hanging up in my room. (32:17) Actually, no, not in my room in my get ready room and shout out to my landlord.
(32:21) So I know you'll be coming in there's like stripper shoes on one side of the room and like naked women on the other side like and yet rent is paid in full. (32:31) He's like, as long as you got a lot of bills.
Speaker 1
(32:34) Yeah.
Speaker 2
(32:34) He never had no problems on me, buddy.
Speaker 1
(32:36) Yeah. (32:37) It's interesting that because there are some people that I've worked with who have even, you know, either been like wanting to get into burlesque or they already were into burlesque. (32:46) But it's really interesting.
(32:48) Like with you, you know, that wasn't something you were doing yet. (32:51) You were kind of working through something completely different. (32:56) 100%.
Speaker 2
(32:56) Because, I mean, fighting when you're fighting personal demons, you are so unkind to yourself. (33:06) And you wouldn't talk to your friend that way. (33:10) So why would you talk to yourself that way?
(33:13) And if there's some money that you find inspiring, and they're uplifting, and you want to see that, go be a part of the community.
Speaker 1
(33:20) It's really I think that people are so hesitant to reach out and join any kind of community that they see. (33:25) But you know, they're all over. (33:27) There's something for everyone.
(33:28) There's there's some place that you belong for everyone. (33:31) And if there's not a place you belong, maybe that's a sign that you need to create a place for people to belong. (33:38) Because I feel like that's the way that we, you know, work through things.
(33:41) That's the way that we relate to other people. (33:43) That's the way that we start seeing ourselves softer. (33:46) With me, with what I do, doing boudoir, the way that I speak to myself is completely different than the way I spoke to myself in 2016.
(33:56) I started doing boudoir in 2017. (33:58) I know the big trend right now is 2016. (34:02) And I look at those pictures, and I think, God, I didn't even know that this person I am now could exist, let alone did I know that person was going to exist in a year.
(34:13) A year. (34:13) And I was suddenly gonna have like, a business framework. (34:17) And I was gonna tell my mom, hey, I'm gonna shoot boudoir.
(34:20) I promise it's not bad. (34:21) It's really it's it's naked pictures, but they're like, good. (34:23) They're like, nice.
(34:24) They're not it's cool. (34:25) I promise. (34:26) It's not what you think it is.
(34:27) Because there was nothing like that around. (34:29) And I was really scared about how people were gonna, you know, take it. (34:32) And that's when I started the gyms was just because I wanted a place.
(34:36) I saw somebody, one of my clients shared a photo that was like, just one in a sweater, you know, they didn't have a bra on because it's boudoir, and they didn't want to. (34:45) And some guy made some comment about looks cold in there. (34:49) And I was just like, I was so annoyed with it.
(34:52) Yeah. (34:53) So that's when I started the group. (34:55) And I was like, well, then here, you can share it with people who are like looking at it for the right reasons who are looking at it to inspire themselves who are looking at it with fondness for you.
(35:05) And it's (35:05) the more you're exposed to stuff like that burlesque communities, 100% aerial communities, (35:12) so many different especially women focused communities, it's like you start finding the (35:17) softness for other women that allows you to start seeing it for yourself to start being like, (35:23) right, but I loved that about this person that I photographed, or I love this about this person I (35:28) met at this pool party.
(35:29) Why would I hate that about myself if I love that about them? (35:33) Probably people don't hate that about me either. (35:35) You know, it's like you have to expose yourself to that kind of thing.
Speaker 2
(35:38) Yeah, I like, they're like my teacher right now. (35:43) Her name is Rachel Mercer. (35:45) And she's one of the coolest most badass people strongest women I've ever met in my life.
(35:53) Like teaches like stripper style, like pole dancing, or like you can still do beginner or whatever. (35:59) But at the end of the day, she's a strong girl, like big shoulders, like she could beat your ass. (36:08) I'm like, I want to be just like her.
(36:10) Yes, strong. (36:11) And I can pull it in.
Speaker 1
(36:12) And look sexy. (36:14) Like, exactly. (36:15) It's so crazy how like, so many feminine, traditionally feminine things are looked at as like soft and delicate.
(36:22) And it's like, right, but do you understand the strength that it takes to do that? (36:26) Because I think you're maybe missing that. (36:28) Oh, like you?
Speaker 2
(36:29) I mean, I, I've knocked it down. (36:32) So like, when I was like, I saved my peak, I could go back to it. (36:35) But right now, I'm in my soft era.
(36:38) And I would be in the gym, like four days a week, like lira class, open gym, then we'd have pole class one day and then another open gym just for that. (36:49) So like you're driving to and from Russellville to Little Rock. (36:55) Four days out of the week.
(36:56) Yeah. (36:57) And you still work a full time job. (36:59) I wanted that bad.
(37:01) Like I loved it.
Speaker 1
(37:02) Well, and I think that says so much to to like, when you like you're like, Okay, I was in the gym four days a week, like my mind when someone says that to me, it's like, okay, exercise machines, you know, and but what you're talking about is like joyful movement, like what you're talking about is like moving your body in a way makes you feel good. (37:20) That makes you like feel elated. (37:22) And it makes you feel confident.
(37:24) It makes you feel pretty. (37:25) And it's like, not just like, how skinny can I get, you know, but absolutely. (37:29) But instead, it's like, this is joyful movement.
(37:31) And that makes you want to be in a gym four days a week, because you just enjoy the way your body feels whenever you do it. (37:38) And that's such a huge difference. (37:39) I think people who want to feel better about their body and want to get more active, but they feel like the only way they can do it is a super traditional, like, go to the gym, do lots of crunches, you know, make it make everything you do.
Speaker 2
(37:58) Fun for yourself. (38:00) Again, fine. (38:01) You can always find something or if one thing doesn't succeed.
(38:06) Try something else. (38:07) I used to do roller derby. (38:08) Yeah, I could never do that again.
(38:11) I'm too scared of it.
Speaker 1
(38:12) I'm too scared to roller skate with my ankle. (38:15) Exactly. (38:15) Why would I do that?
(38:16) I see it and I'm like, but if I fall, um, it could be so bad. (38:20) So maybe those days are behind me. (38:22) Although I had a client that had a really similar injury as mine and she does roller derby, like not just roller skate, roller derby.
(38:31) I am not a roller. (38:32) I'm just not please don't hit me. (38:34) You know, I'm not.
(38:35) I'm really not a rough and tumble type of gal. (38:39) I'm more like, do you want to learn to make lace? (38:43) Do you want to be a granny with me?
(38:45) Have blankets you can use. (38:48) That's more my vibe. (38:51) I've made cookies.
Speaker 2
(38:54) Here's, here's, here's the thing. (38:58) If you go through any type of injury or something where you have to be more spatially aware for yourself, like, take your time. (39:13) You can be mad.
(39:16) You can be upset about the situation, but don't rush it. (39:22) Take your time. (39:25) Nothing is linear and you deserve it for yourself if you want it.
(39:33) So be kind to yourself.
Speaker 1
(39:36) Yeah. (39:36) That was like one of the hardest things that I dealt with. (39:38) Like, I remember being like, I just did this like really foolish, stupid thing.
(39:43) And now I've like fucked up. (39:44) Like, I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to shoot again. (39:48) I was like, am I going to be able to continue doing my job, my livelihood, the business that I've built up?
(39:53) Like, I'm not going to, I can't shoot weddings now because I can't watch the ground when I'm shooting weddings. (39:59) And if I fall, I could like seriously hurt myself. (40:02) Can't shoot with children anymore because they run and I can't keep up.
(40:07) You know, when I was crouching as hard, I had my Achilles tendon that helps you crouch. (40:13) And if it doesn't work correctly, getting back up, I'll go get a toddler, like, you know, bumbling back up there. (40:19) But that was one of the hardest things was like sort of learning as I went along, like what was going to happen and what I was going to deal with.
(40:28) I didn't know that I tore my Achilles tendon until I was in physical therapy. (40:31) I knew I had breaks, but I was sitting in physical therapy one day and I like looked down at my papers and I see Achilles tendon tear, Achilles tear. (40:41) And I was like, does that say that I tore my Achilles tendon?
(40:45) And the kid that was helping me was like, yeah. (40:47) And I was like, that checks out. (40:49) Okay.
(40:50) And it was like all of the information about what I was and wasn't going to be able to do. (40:55) The guy that my, my doctor who was just super, super nice, Dr. Cartwright, I loved him. (41:02) He would just sort of slowly give me the information about what I like.
(41:07) He's like, okay, so you're probably not going to be able to jump again. (41:11) You know, that was something that he told me appointments in, not right away because I was already having such a hard time with it. (41:18) Cause I'm just like, oh my gosh, like you can't walk.
(41:21) That's crazy. (41:22) Walking is like, don't take it for granted.
Speaker 2
(41:25) Oh, don't, don't not ever take walking or like taking a poop either for granted. (41:32) I mean that with my full chest. (41:34) Yeah.
Speaker 1
(41:35) Because you don't think about things like that. (41:38) You don't think about like what your body is doing for you until like it's taken away. (41:41) It's like when you're like nose is stuffy and like, you're like, man, when I, when I can breathe again, I'm going to think about how grateful I am to have air coming through both nostrils at all times.
(41:51) And, but it's like with an injury, you don't get a chance to say goodbye. (41:56) It's not like you get to be like, okay, I'm going to go do hopscotch one last time. (42:00) Like, no, it's just gone.
(42:02) Yeah. (42:03) Like that's just the way it is. (42:04) And, and really taking my time and like trying to be conscious.
(42:08) Like there were a few times I pushed myself a little too hard in the beginning, mostly out of like trying not to be embarrassed in like public places. (42:16) I was like, I don't want, cause I didn't need a cane. (42:19) Like that wasn't part of my, my healing journey, but I felt like a cane indicated, hi, I'm hurt and slow.
(42:27) Can you, can you please not rush me? (42:31) And one of the first things that I did a few months in was I went up to crystal bridges and I went to go see an outdoor concert at like their amphitheater. (42:40) And I knew it was a little bit of a walk, but I didn't know how far it was.
(42:44) Ended up being like a mile or something. (42:48) And everyone else is going so fast. (42:50) I'm already five, two.
(42:51) Okay. (42:52) Walking fast is not something I can do. (42:55) I'm I don't do retail anymore.
(42:56) I left that fast walking shit behind me. (43:00) I move intentionally and slowly. (43:02) And I'm just like, like trying so hard to keep up with these people.
(43:05) And I got back and my ankles just like swollen so big. (43:10) I was like, okay, so we've learned that a mile there and a mile back is not a smart idea for Amber's ankle. (43:17) Physical therapy is so humbling.
(43:20) I loved physical therapy. (43:22) I did. (43:22) I just was like, these people are here to help me and I'm going to get better because they want me to be better.
(43:27) And I'm going to be the funniest and best person that they deal with all the, well, I'm a people pleaser of an adult pleaser. (43:34) So I was like, I'm going to be the funniest person. (43:37) I'm going to make them laugh.
(43:38) And I'm going to work hard. (43:39) I, I had the opposite.
Speaker 2
(43:42) I, cause it's going to be a little bit like TMI, but like a couple months before the car accident, I tried to unalive myself and I tried to drive my car off a bridge. (43:55) So I thought this was a very humbling experience. (43:58) And I was like, Hmm, you want to go die?
(44:02) Let me show you how to die baby.
Speaker 1
(44:03) Off a bridge too. (44:05) That's a very like ironic, you know, like literally like literally ironic. (44:10) Yeah.
(44:11) Think about it all the time. (44:12) I'm like, Hmm. (44:13) Hmm.
(44:14) Gave you another chance. (44:15) Life was like, it's like you, if you want to think about this, I'm going to give you this. (44:19) Yeah.
Speaker 2
(44:19) It's like, I lied. (44:21) Sorry. (44:23) Cause me and my physical, I mean, all the doctors did not really get along.
(44:28) I gotta, I was pissed because I was 23 or I just turned 24. (44:33) I was a waitress. (44:35) I'm lifting everything, doing this by myself.
(44:37) What do you mean? (44:38) I can't look left and keep straight. (44:41) I would fall.
(44:44) And I was like, that's not supposed to happen. (44:46) I couldn't walk up a flight of stairs for like at least two months. (44:51) If I had to go walk up elevation and I had, I was strapped in a back brace.
(44:57) You hear me? (44:58) Cause I also, I broke all my ribs or the majority, I think like two were cool, but like had an air pocket underneath my lung. (45:09) Um, I kind of like, man, I was horrible when I was in the ER so bad.
(45:14) Cause, um, it had been like 24 hours at this point. (45:19) And I don't know what's still going on. (45:21) I've made phone calls.
(45:23) You said this earlier. (45:24) Um, you're like, Hey, like, where's schedule? (45:28) I had my shift covered.
Speaker 1
(45:31) Cause jobs are like, I'm sorry, you broke your back and your ribs and have like internal organ injury. (45:37) Um, if you can't find someone to cover your shift, you're going to need to come in.
Speaker 2
(45:40) So yeah. (45:41) Like, or you're fired. (45:42) Um, I had my shift covered.
Speaker 1
(45:44) Like they'd need their food that bad. (45:47) It is so crazy, but it is, it's just like, it's incredibly inspiring to see that, like, you do find humor in it. (45:55) Like, I mean, not really, all you can do is kind of like laugh.
(45:57) You can't go back and change it.
Speaker 2
(45:58) There's nothing you can do. (46:00) There's, you can't change how you reacted. (46:02) You can't change how you just do, but you can now.
(46:05) And if you got to find the funny in it, if that's what keeps you going, let it fucking happen.
Speaker 1
(46:12) It's just, it's amazing. (46:13) Like seeing how much you've done and seeing the fact that like you are, it's not like you're done performing. (46:18) Like, it's not like he plateaued, like you're still doing so much and you still are planning so much.
(46:23) You work with people who just like, love you. (46:26) You have such a great reputation. (46:27) Like you are such an amazing performer and knowing everything that you went through and that you weren't just like, okay, I'm going to stop.
(46:38) You know, that you weren't just like, this is done. (46:40) I'm done. (46:41) Cause it's easy to think that sometimes it's easy to be like, this is too painful.
(46:45) This doesn't work for me. (46:46) But instead like, not only did you heal from it, but you came back and were like, I'm going to be an intense, fierce performer on top of that.
Speaker 2
(46:56) It's easier to quit. (46:59) Why not challenge yourself?
Speaker 1
(47:00) Yeah.
Speaker 2
(47:01) Like challenge yourself all the time. (47:03) Like I, in my before life, I was so unhappy and I gave it all up and this is what I want now. (47:12) I'm so much more fulfilled and happy.
(47:17) Is life a little bit more stressful? (47:18) Yeah. (47:19) But like, why not have the whimsy?
(47:21) Yeah. (47:22) Keep the whimsy. (47:24) Keep the whimsy.
(47:25) Keep the whimsy. (47:26) Keep the whimsy 2026.
Speaker 1
(47:27) I'm here for it.
Speaker 2
(47:29) If you want to go dress up as a rat, do it. (47:31) You want to go be Linda from Bob's Burgers, do it. (47:36) Like you want to be dressed up as Steve Harvey, be that bitch.
Speaker 1
(47:39) You want to be corn? (47:41) Do corn. (47:43) Either the musician or the fruit.
(47:47) Fruit? (47:48) Is corn a fruit? (47:49) Veggie?
(47:50) It's a vegetable. (47:50) Wait. (47:51) It needs to be.
(47:52) Just seeds. (47:53) It's like a pomegranate. (47:56) Well, I'm glad that you do continue to see it that way.
(48:00) And I'm glad that you don't let it dim who you are and that you are like not only coming back from it, but also coming back and being like, you can do this too. (48:09) You can come up here. (48:11) You can dress the way you want to dress.
(48:13) You can perform the way you want to perform. (48:14) You can do movement that makes your body feel joyful, even after going through something that makes some people just give up and quit. (48:23) And I think a lot of people get to benefit from who you are as a person and your determination and your spirit and your creativity, because you have so many people that just love watching you perform.
(48:36) And all of that is because you didn't let something like that stop you. (48:40) You were just like, I'm absolutely not going to quit. (48:42) I'm going to go out and be 10 times what I was before.
(48:46) So I'm really glad that you didn't stop. (48:49) And you're an inspiration to me personally. (48:54) Inspiration to me as somebody who also went through something that changed my relationship with my body and seeing the things that you've done and seeing the way that you have just bounced back and worked so hard makes me want to do the same thing.
(49:10) And I know that I'm not the only person that feels that way. (49:12) So I really appreciate you sharing your story today and hanging out with me and talking about the whimsy. (49:23) Whimsy 2026.
(49:26) I love you a ton.
Speaker 2
(49:28) I love you want to say out of this world, explode, levitate into the sky.
Speaker 1
(49:36) Well, thank you so much for being here and for chatting with me and for sharing your story with anybody else who's listening and anybody else who maybe has gone through something that makes them feel like they have to relearn how to feel sensual in their body or anybody who, you know, really wants to take a leap and do something that feel good but just needed somebody to give them permission. (50:00) I'm really glad that you were here to do that. (50:06) All right.
(50:08) Until next time, this is Unposed. (50:11) I am Amber Lane. (50:12) Thank you.
Speaker 2
(50:13) Bye.